Letting your children and family know you have breast cancer
When patients are diagnosed with breast cancer, they often find it very hard to come to terms with the illness and often are in self-denial. However what makes it real is when the time comes to tell your children. Talking to your children about your illness is a very tough undertaking and will be distressing for you all.
It’s vital that you share the news of your cancer with your children as soon as you can. Your initial reaction will be to keep the news from them in order to protect them, but don’t undervalue the strength and support you get from your children. Most specialists share the view that children should know about the situation.
Children often sense something is wrong and may even start to think it’s their fault which can often lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation from the family. It’s going to be at the forefront of your mind, so they will probably hear you talking about the situation to your spouse or on the telephone so it’s essential that you’re upfront with them.
Keep a positive attitude
A positive attitude goes a long way in helping anyone through any type of illness. Try and be positive when you tell your children about your illness, explain to them that lots of people survive cancer and that millions of pounds are being spent on research to help you get through this illness. Most children will have heard of cancer through friends at school or relatives. They may have heard of relatives of friends who have died from cancer, so will find it a very terrifying subject. By explaining your cancer in a positive light, you will provide them with hope and comfort.
Before you sit your children down to tell them about your cancer, try and write down what facts you plan to tell them. Keep it simple and provide them with the basic details. Tell them how you found out you had cancer, how the doctors plan to help you, what treatments you are going to have and if you are going to need an operation.
You may choose to tell them about the side effects of treatments such as radiotherapy and chemo so they know what to expect. If you lose your hair and don’t warn them about it, it can become very frightening for them. If you choose to wear a headscarf or a wig, try and involve them. Ask them their opinion on the colour or fabric, or ask them what styles they prefer.
Children can feel very isolated in this kind of situation if you try and keep facts from them. Always communicate openly with them and encourage them to be part of your treatment by inviting them to the hospital with you where appropriate.
If you feel you are unable to cope with telling your children about your illness, you may wish your spouse, another member of your family or a close friend to tell them. However difficult it may be for you, you should try and be there when that happens even if you don’t say anything. Once the conversation starts you may find that you can join in and you can reassure your kids and give them some positive hope.
What facts should you give to your kids?
This very much depends on the age of the children. You may decide to tell your older children more details and the keep the basic facts for the younger ones. Sit down and think about each child, how they cope with things and what you feel they are capable of dealing with. After all, you know your kids the best so it will ultimately be down to you to decide.
Concerned about your child’s reaction?
If you are concerned about how your child has reacted to the news, in the first instance try and talk to them and provide them with reassurance. Go through the facts with them again and involve them in your treatments. Communicate with them honestly throughout your illness so they don’t imagine the worst case scenarios. If you feel this isn’t working it may be worth contacting a local support group or your doctor.
There are experts trained in this area and it’s important that you deal with these emotions as soon as possible.
Is your daughter worried this might happen to her in the future?
If you have a daughter chances are that she might start to worry about breast cancer herself. Most cases of breast cancer just happen, however it can occur more often than usual in some families. If you have a history of breast cancer in your family, ensure your daughter is “breast aware”. Be open and honest and teach her how to check her own breasts.
Rita was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 36. She was the single supporting parent of a 7 year old girl so fully understands the difficulties of helping your children to cope with the effects a breast cancer diagnosis can have on a family.
For further help and advice visit http://www.breastcancercorner.org where you’ll find articles, tips and forums relating to breast cancer, it’s diagnosis, symptoms and treatment.
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